To my sweet baby boy,
As the days of my pregnancy are now over I'm going to address these posts to you, my sweet David, in the hopes that you will read about yourself when your older. I know I always enjoyed reading and hearing the little things that my mom had written about me when I was younger, so I want you to have that as well.
You are such a joy! In my completely unbiased opinion you are the cutest little thing to ever live. It's funny how everyone thinks you look like your father, or your Ducky, or your grandpa, or your nana, though all those people know that it's really me that you look like. Your Dad even said last night that he doesn't know what people are seeing when they say you look like him because all he can see is me in you. He said you look like a mini male version of me.
You are almost 6 months old now. We've started you on solid foods, so far you are eating carrots and sweet potatoes. Next week we'll move you to yellow vegatables and then to green veggies, and after that we'll move you to fruits. You make these funny little faces when your eating, like your not sure what it is that's in your mouth. What's really funny though is when your having your bottle. You get so upset if we don't give your bottle right away, and if we take it away to burp you or to fix the nipple on the bottle you will cry and scream your head off. You've never gone without a meal and you've never been left wanting but you are a little used to getting your way. You pretty much have everyone wrapped around your little finger.
Your starting to scooch crawl now, and your definitely getting more mobile. I'm afraid we're going to have to start baby proofing the house now, cause I don't want baby to bonk his head on anything. I was able to put you in your exersaucer now and you just LOVE it! You can stand up in it if you want to or you can sit down and you can spin yourself around to all the toys that are there for you to play with on it. So you'll just entertain yourself for hours in that thing. You still love your quilt time too but I think the exersaucer is training your legs and your trunk muscles a little bit more.
You still sleep with me in the early morning hours, mostly because I have problems if I'm not sleeping with you and you and I love to take naps together when I've taken off of work. I usually can always get you to sleep. Though you don't like it when I leave you in the morning and it breaks my heart to go too. I know if Daddy had to hear it he would get the lead out on finding a better job so I could stay home with you more.
You love to stick everything in your mouth at this point, and you are so quick with getting Mommy's glasses off her face. You can do it so deaftly and then you stick them in your mouth and start sucking on my glasses. You have also taken to pulling hair which does hurt alot. You grab daddy's chest hair to pull yourself up and you grab the little hairs at the back of my neck when I'm holding you. But your so sweet and cute that even though you hurt us sometimes we still love you.
You are a very bright little boy, so alert and attentive and you love attention. Daddy is certain that you are an extrovert and that you are a people person like your mommy. I'm secretly hoping that's true, cause your my sweet boy and you and I have a very strong connection to each other. You are the world to me little one and I love you more then I thought I could ever love anything. When you smile, or laugh, or squeal at me I just melt everytime. I so want to hear you say Mommy. Well I need to go for now. I love you my sweet boy!
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
End of Maternity Leave
I was supposed to return to work today. Thankfully today turned into a snow day because I was not ready to go back. I cried several times yesterday because I thought that I would need to go in. Although work had a delayed opening, the roads were still icy at noon and I wasn't going to risk it after 3 months of being off.
These three months with my son have been wonderful, I never thought I could love something or someone as much, and as purely as I love my son. Of course I love my husband with all my heart, but there's something different about the love I have for my son. I've undergone a tremendous and monumental change now. I see the world through completely different eyes now. As John says, it's as though we've been traded to a different team - the parent team.
I got to have David's first Christmas and New Years with him. He was Christened in our church and in the Unity faith. We've done two theatre shows together. We've had hard nights together, and we've had wonderful nights and days together. He's rolled over for us, smiled at me with his heart melting smiles, cuddled with me as we slept together, and he has dealt with my endless kisses and hugs. For these reasons it will bother me more than him when I return to work on Monday.
For these reasons I know that I need to do everything I can to make myself and my life better. That means finding a job that I love, losing the weight I need to lose to be healthy, and supporting John to get a better job that supports all of us so that I can stay home with my children if I want to. It's hard for me to tolerate the thought of returning to work now, and if/when I have another child I know I definitely won't want to return and leave my son and other child at home.
Now begins the real work that I've put off for years, but I now have the motivation of my son to get me going, and keep me going until I reach my goal.
These three months with my son have been wonderful, I never thought I could love something or someone as much, and as purely as I love my son. Of course I love my husband with all my heart, but there's something different about the love I have for my son. I've undergone a tremendous and monumental change now. I see the world through completely different eyes now. As John says, it's as though we've been traded to a different team - the parent team.
I got to have David's first Christmas and New Years with him. He was Christened in our church and in the Unity faith. We've done two theatre shows together. We've had hard nights together, and we've had wonderful nights and days together. He's rolled over for us, smiled at me with his heart melting smiles, cuddled with me as we slept together, and he has dealt with my endless kisses and hugs. For these reasons it will bother me more than him when I return to work on Monday.
For these reasons I know that I need to do everything I can to make myself and my life better. That means finding a job that I love, losing the weight I need to lose to be healthy, and supporting John to get a better job that supports all of us so that I can stay home with my children if I want to. It's hard for me to tolerate the thought of returning to work now, and if/when I have another child I know I definitely won't want to return and leave my son and other child at home.
Now begins the real work that I've put off for years, but I now have the motivation of my son to get me going, and keep me going until I reach my goal.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Labor and Delivery
It's taken me awhile to get to where I can write this out since now my sweet little David is here.
My contractions began on Thanksgiving day, occuring about every hour from 10 am in the morning till around midnight when I finally went to bed. John and I were able to have Thanksgiving dinner, and watch the last UT football game of the season. My mother came to spend the night, and we all headed off to bed at midnight. As soon as I went to bed however my contractions starting coming every 8 minutes or so. I kept John up to hold my hand and time out the contractions, until they finally got to be 5 minutes apart. Around 2:40 am we got our things together, woke up my mother, and headed off to the hospital. We called John's parents on the way there to let them know the show had started.
We got to the hospital about 3:10, and we were taken to a room where they checked to see my dialation and said that I was effaced 90% but still only dialated 1 cm. The hospital called my doctor who said to observe me till the morning. It was then they moved me to a delivery room and hooked me up to an IV and the other monitors. My contractions kept coming as back labor, which was pretty painful. But my birth plan stated that I was not to be given an epidural until 4 cm. So I kept having contractions all morning until the Doctor came in around 10 a and checked me that I was now at 4 cm.
The Anesthesiologist came in about 11 am and administered my epidural. After that I felt much better as the pain from the contractions had subsided, and I was finally able to take a nap once the pain had gone away. They checked me again around 3 pm or so to see that I was now dialated 9 cm, and we were almost there. I waited another hour and half for the doctor to pronouce that I was at 10 cm and it was time to start pushing.
With the help of John, my mother, David and Donna; I pushed as hard as I could for 2 1/2 hours. By that time when the baby still had not come, they called the doctor in again and she did an ultrasound on me to see that the baby was transverse. His little head was jammed up against my pelvic bone. The Doctor then told us that even if we managed to get the head out his shoulders would get stuck, so we needed to do a C-section to get me delivered. I continued having to push as they administered more drugs to me to kill the pain, and wheeled me into surgery. John dressed in scrubs and came with me.
Through all the drugs and hormones I was freezing the whole time, but all the doctors and nursing staff did everything they could to make me comfortable. I barely felt anything when they cut into get the baby out. The doctor said I had been doing some really good pushing and that if he had been in a good position to come out naturally I would have pushed him out well. He was so stuck that the nurse had to actually push him back up so they could get him out.
At 7:32 pm, my little baby boy was born. In writing this now I'm remembering everything that we went through together and now the tears have started to come. He was 8 lbs. 12 oz and 22 inches long. Once they had finished cleaning him up and doing all the measuring, John brought him over to me so I could see him. Then they took my little boy to the nursery and John stayed with me as they sewed me back up. Then I was wheeled into the recovery room. I was released from recovery about 3 hours later and taken to my post partum room where I finally got to hold my son.
Though I am not unbiased, in my opinion he is the sweetest baby ever born. I love him so much that it almost hurts me to be apart from him. I kiss and love on him so much that sometimes he fusses at me, almost like he's saying "Sheez Mom! Enough already". But I can't help it. He's so adorable and sweet and cute and soft, that I just can't stop myself. My life has been forever changed by this little miracle, and I will love him till the day I die.
My contractions began on Thanksgiving day, occuring about every hour from 10 am in the morning till around midnight when I finally went to bed. John and I were able to have Thanksgiving dinner, and watch the last UT football game of the season. My mother came to spend the night, and we all headed off to bed at midnight. As soon as I went to bed however my contractions starting coming every 8 minutes or so. I kept John up to hold my hand and time out the contractions, until they finally got to be 5 minutes apart. Around 2:40 am we got our things together, woke up my mother, and headed off to the hospital. We called John's parents on the way there to let them know the show had started.
We got to the hospital about 3:10, and we were taken to a room where they checked to see my dialation and said that I was effaced 90% but still only dialated 1 cm. The hospital called my doctor who said to observe me till the morning. It was then they moved me to a delivery room and hooked me up to an IV and the other monitors. My contractions kept coming as back labor, which was pretty painful. But my birth plan stated that I was not to be given an epidural until 4 cm. So I kept having contractions all morning until the Doctor came in around 10 a and checked me that I was now at 4 cm.
The Anesthesiologist came in about 11 am and administered my epidural. After that I felt much better as the pain from the contractions had subsided, and I was finally able to take a nap once the pain had gone away. They checked me again around 3 pm or so to see that I was now dialated 9 cm, and we were almost there. I waited another hour and half for the doctor to pronouce that I was at 10 cm and it was time to start pushing.
With the help of John, my mother, David and Donna; I pushed as hard as I could for 2 1/2 hours. By that time when the baby still had not come, they called the doctor in again and she did an ultrasound on me to see that the baby was transverse. His little head was jammed up against my pelvic bone. The Doctor then told us that even if we managed to get the head out his shoulders would get stuck, so we needed to do a C-section to get me delivered. I continued having to push as they administered more drugs to me to kill the pain, and wheeled me into surgery. John dressed in scrubs and came with me.
Through all the drugs and hormones I was freezing the whole time, but all the doctors and nursing staff did everything they could to make me comfortable. I barely felt anything when they cut into get the baby out. The doctor said I had been doing some really good pushing and that if he had been in a good position to come out naturally I would have pushed him out well. He was so stuck that the nurse had to actually push him back up so they could get him out.
At 7:32 pm, my little baby boy was born. In writing this now I'm remembering everything that we went through together and now the tears have started to come. He was 8 lbs. 12 oz and 22 inches long. Once they had finished cleaning him up and doing all the measuring, John brought him over to me so I could see him. Then they took my little boy to the nursery and John stayed with me as they sewed me back up. Then I was wheeled into the recovery room. I was released from recovery about 3 hours later and taken to my post partum room where I finally got to hold my son.
Though I am not unbiased, in my opinion he is the sweetest baby ever born. I love him so much that it almost hurts me to be apart from him. I kiss and love on him so much that sometimes he fusses at me, almost like he's saying "Sheez Mom! Enough already". But I can't help it. He's so adorable and sweet and cute and soft, that I just can't stop myself. My life has been forever changed by this little miracle, and I will love him till the day I die.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Past all due dates
So here we are after midnight on the 22nd....still no baby. He apparently really likes in there! I had an ultrasound this past monday and he was an average size, measuring about 7 lbs, 15 oz. and we got a picture of his face. Though it was in the ultrasound gray and silver tones and not a 3d. But it's all fine with me cause I got his 3rd trimester picture for his baby picture frame.
However, now we are past the new due date of the 16th, and past the old due date of the 21st. Past the muscle testing of Dr. Martin, and now we're going into the gray murky realms of...whenever. They've set me for an induction on the 28th, but I have a feeling that I won't make it to that date. I think as I have throughoutthis pregnancy that we're going to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, cut the turkey, and my water's going to break. That's the image I've had about his birth since I found out how close his due date was.
As for me, I'm kind of happy to still be pregnant. As I've said before I look on towards the future with a mixture of fear towards going through labor and the deep need and desire for David to come out and join the world so I can hold him in my arms. This week John and I have both been struck with a head cold, so I really didn't want for the baby to come yet. I'm slowly getting better, and now I'd like to get the house cleaned for his arrival, and get those final last few things done. So I look on David's lateness again with a mixture of feelings, but mostly trusting in the wisdom of David's own timing. He's going to come when he's ready and depite what my mother says on this I don't really have any say in the matter. I know my son will come when it's right for him to.
However, now we are past the new due date of the 16th, and past the old due date of the 21st. Past the muscle testing of Dr. Martin, and now we're going into the gray murky realms of...whenever. They've set me for an induction on the 28th, but I have a feeling that I won't make it to that date. I think as I have throughoutthis pregnancy that we're going to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, cut the turkey, and my water's going to break. That's the image I've had about his birth since I found out how close his due date was.
As for me, I'm kind of happy to still be pregnant. As I've said before I look on towards the future with a mixture of fear towards going through labor and the deep need and desire for David to come out and join the world so I can hold him in my arms. This week John and I have both been struck with a head cold, so I really didn't want for the baby to come yet. I'm slowly getting better, and now I'd like to get the house cleaned for his arrival, and get those final last few things done. So I look on David's lateness again with a mixture of feelings, but mostly trusting in the wisdom of David's own timing. He's going to come when he's ready and depite what my mother says on this I don't really have any say in the matter. I know my son will come when it's right for him to.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Maternity Leave
Well I am finally on maternity leave from work...it's my 4th day of being on my official matrernity leave. I've been waiting for my nesting instinct to kick in so that I can really get this house clean for the baby, and so I can get the nursery really finished up. Today is the first day that I've had any kind of feelings or inclination in that vein, but I am hoping that it gets a little stronger since I'm still kind of ho-hum.
The baby seems to be doing fine, not that I've seen him since 5 months. But by the feel of his many kicks and twists and turns, he seems to be doing well. The Doctor thinks he's "pretty big" but God only knows what the scale is there. I was 9 lbs. 1 oz. when I was born and John was 8 lbs. 8 oz., so I've been expecting for David to be over 9 lbs.. The Dr. said that if she had to induce she would probably do another ultrasound to see how big he was before making that decision. I would be happy to get another ultrasound so that I could get my 3rd trimester picture for the babies ultrasound photo frame. I'm keeping my fingers crossed there.
My Due date is getting closer and closer, and everyone is on baby watch at this point. Mom is sleeping with her cell phone by the bed. The ladies at the church are on high alert everytime I call her. John is semi concerned when ever I have pause or make a noise. I'm a mixture between being totally freaked out about labor and becoming a mom and really wanting to hold my baby and have him outside of my body. But I'm sure he's going to make his appearance when he's ready. C'mon november 21st!
The baby seems to be doing fine, not that I've seen him since 5 months. But by the feel of his many kicks and twists and turns, he seems to be doing well. The Doctor thinks he's "pretty big" but God only knows what the scale is there. I was 9 lbs. 1 oz. when I was born and John was 8 lbs. 8 oz., so I've been expecting for David to be over 9 lbs.. The Dr. said that if she had to induce she would probably do another ultrasound to see how big he was before making that decision. I would be happy to get another ultrasound so that I could get my 3rd trimester picture for the babies ultrasound photo frame. I'm keeping my fingers crossed there.
My Due date is getting closer and closer, and everyone is on baby watch at this point. Mom is sleeping with her cell phone by the bed. The ladies at the church are on high alert everytime I call her. John is semi concerned when ever I have pause or make a noise. I'm a mixture between being totally freaked out about labor and becoming a mom and really wanting to hold my baby and have him outside of my body. But I'm sure he's going to make his appearance when he's ready. C'mon november 21st!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sad news
John's last living grandparent Gigi, passed away today. Gigi was a pistol of a woman, and she had a wonderful life. She was about a week away from her 91st birthday when she passed. We were hoping that Gigi would live to meet the baby, but she can now protect and watch over David in energy and love.
As I'm sitting here wondering what to write I keep thinking of all the great times I spent with Gigi. Though I'd only known Gigi for about 3 years now, she had become very special to me. I'm a pretty family oriented person and I was very close with my own grandmother. I lost my own grandmother about 9 years ago, and having Gigi in my life made it as though I had that part of my family back again. Now with her passing I'm again feeling the sting of losing such a loving presence in my life.
I'm grateful that I did get to spend time with Gigi learning about her past and her life. I learned about her life in Dalhart during the Dust Bowl and Depression era, about her time in DC during the war, and her life afterwards living in DC. I'm grateful that Gigi was able to be at our wedding, and that she passed knowing that the Poole line would continue on in our son. I'm grateful for the times we spent with Gigi in DC, for being able to be there at Gigi's 90th birthday party; for the weekend shopping together in Port Aransus, and for all the other little moments I got to spend with her. I'm mostly grateful that because of all these experiences and everything I learned that both John and I will be able to pass on our memories of her to our son.
We all love you Gigi, and we all know that you are now in a better place. I keep reminding myself how full of energy you were, and that energy never dies. Energy can never be destroyed, it only changes form. So though you may not be here in physical presence with us any longer, I know that your energy and your presence is not gone from us completely. I believe in reincarnation, and I believe that we continue to meet and experience the people that mean the most to use throughout our lives and through out our incarnations. So keeping those beliefs close to me, allows me to say that I will meet you again Gigi. Though I may not perceive exactly who you are to me, I know that my soul will recognize you right away. You have touched my life, and in turn you have already touched our son's life. Thank you for sharing your time and love with us on this plane. Rest in Peace.
Frances "Gigi" Poole
Nov. 1 1919 - Oct. 23 2010
As I'm sitting here wondering what to write I keep thinking of all the great times I spent with Gigi. Though I'd only known Gigi for about 3 years now, she had become very special to me. I'm a pretty family oriented person and I was very close with my own grandmother. I lost my own grandmother about 9 years ago, and having Gigi in my life made it as though I had that part of my family back again. Now with her passing I'm again feeling the sting of losing such a loving presence in my life.
I'm grateful that I did get to spend time with Gigi learning about her past and her life. I learned about her life in Dalhart during the Dust Bowl and Depression era, about her time in DC during the war, and her life afterwards living in DC. I'm grateful that Gigi was able to be at our wedding, and that she passed knowing that the Poole line would continue on in our son. I'm grateful for the times we spent with Gigi in DC, for being able to be there at Gigi's 90th birthday party; for the weekend shopping together in Port Aransus, and for all the other little moments I got to spend with her. I'm mostly grateful that because of all these experiences and everything I learned that both John and I will be able to pass on our memories of her to our son.
We all love you Gigi, and we all know that you are now in a better place. I keep reminding myself how full of energy you were, and that energy never dies. Energy can never be destroyed, it only changes form. So though you may not be here in physical presence with us any longer, I know that your energy and your presence is not gone from us completely. I believe in reincarnation, and I believe that we continue to meet and experience the people that mean the most to use throughout our lives and through out our incarnations. So keeping those beliefs close to me, allows me to say that I will meet you again Gigi. Though I may not perceive exactly who you are to me, I know that my soul will recognize you right away. You have touched my life, and in turn you have already touched our son's life. Thank you for sharing your time and love with us on this plane. Rest in Peace.
Frances "Gigi" Poole
Nov. 1 1919 - Oct. 23 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Strange new dream
Last night I woke up around 4:00 am thinking about bottle feeding the baby for the extravaganza. Crazy thing about it was that I thought I was dreaming about bottle feeding the baby during the extravaganza, until I had been awake for about 5-10 minutes which was when I realized I was actually awake.
Anyhow, I tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep for about an hour. Still thinking about random baby things until sometime after 5:00 am when I finally dozed off again. When I did finally get back to sleep I had this odd dream.
I was back in High School, but I was driving the new car that I just bought (we traded in the PT Cruiser for a 2008 Toyota Camry Hybrid). Ali and Caryn were there and had just returned from Ireland (they're really coming back any day now) and I wanted to show them the new car. So I took them outside to the parking lot. I found the car and I opened the door and sat inside, which was when I realized that it was not my car...at least not all of my car. Instead of the fancy controls and navigation system that the car actually has, it looked like the inside of a Ford Escort (the car I actually drove in High school). There was a tape deck where the navigation system should have been, and all the dials and interior was black instead of the gray and silver that the car actually has. But the car still looked the exact same on the outside.
I got out and knew this wasn't my car. Then a "mechanic/gaurd" came out of the little shack house that was in the middle of the lot, and suddenly there were like 5-6 other guys there. I accused all of them of stealing the inside of my car. Which they sort of semi fessed up to. I then went searching for the inside of my car. Suddenly the parking lot was a parking garage and I traversed 4 -5 levels of this parking garage, until I finally found this small room where there was this boxy looking Buick that was painted the same shade as my Camry.
I got in and knew that this was my car, even though it looked nothing like the actual interior of my car. But all the controls were so fancy and digital that in my dream this was the "inside" of my car that had been stolen. I told the main "Mechanic/Gaurd" that this was the inside of my car and he said he would put it back in my actual car. This is where the dream ends because I woke up and had to go to work at this point.
As far as the baby front goes, we've finished taking our classes. I'm at 34 weeks along now, so I've only got 6 weeks left of the pregnancy, as long as I don't go early or late. ( I love how I refer to my labor in the text of a volcano exploding). The baby is moving pretty fiercly these days and at times I feel like he's trying to pop out of my navel. I'm pretty uncomfortable most of the time these days, but especially standing up, walking etc is really a b**ch, cause it feels like there's a bowling ball pressing on my va-jay-jay. I walk a heck of a lot slower, and with a definite waddle now. I feel like Godzilla attacking Tokyo at times. Forget about bending down, bending over, bending in any which way is uncomfortable and I tend to get lightheaded when I try it. John has to help me up all the time these days. The swelling feet and hands has cleared up a bit though since I spend most of my time sitting or lying down now. Like I said I'm just generally uncomfortable, and I'm ready to have this baby. I'm now at the "Please get him out of me" stage.
Anyhow, I tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep for about an hour. Still thinking about random baby things until sometime after 5:00 am when I finally dozed off again. When I did finally get back to sleep I had this odd dream.
I was back in High School, but I was driving the new car that I just bought (we traded in the PT Cruiser for a 2008 Toyota Camry Hybrid). Ali and Caryn were there and had just returned from Ireland (they're really coming back any day now) and I wanted to show them the new car. So I took them outside to the parking lot. I found the car and I opened the door and sat inside, which was when I realized that it was not my car...at least not all of my car. Instead of the fancy controls and navigation system that the car actually has, it looked like the inside of a Ford Escort (the car I actually drove in High school). There was a tape deck where the navigation system should have been, and all the dials and interior was black instead of the gray and silver that the car actually has. But the car still looked the exact same on the outside.
I got out and knew this wasn't my car. Then a "mechanic/gaurd" came out of the little shack house that was in the middle of the lot, and suddenly there were like 5-6 other guys there. I accused all of them of stealing the inside of my car. Which they sort of semi fessed up to. I then went searching for the inside of my car. Suddenly the parking lot was a parking garage and I traversed 4 -5 levels of this parking garage, until I finally found this small room where there was this boxy looking Buick that was painted the same shade as my Camry.
I got in and knew that this was my car, even though it looked nothing like the actual interior of my car. But all the controls were so fancy and digital that in my dream this was the "inside" of my car that had been stolen. I told the main "Mechanic/Gaurd" that this was the inside of my car and he said he would put it back in my actual car. This is where the dream ends because I woke up and had to go to work at this point.
As far as the baby front goes, we've finished taking our classes. I'm at 34 weeks along now, so I've only got 6 weeks left of the pregnancy, as long as I don't go early or late. ( I love how I refer to my labor in the text of a volcano exploding). The baby is moving pretty fiercly these days and at times I feel like he's trying to pop out of my navel. I'm pretty uncomfortable most of the time these days, but especially standing up, walking etc is really a b**ch, cause it feels like there's a bowling ball pressing on my va-jay-jay. I walk a heck of a lot slower, and with a definite waddle now. I feel like Godzilla attacking Tokyo at times. Forget about bending down, bending over, bending in any which way is uncomfortable and I tend to get lightheaded when I try it. John has to help me up all the time these days. The swelling feet and hands has cleared up a bit though since I spend most of my time sitting or lying down now. Like I said I'm just generally uncomfortable, and I'm ready to have this baby. I'm now at the "Please get him out of me" stage.
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