I was supposed to return to work today. Thankfully today turned into a snow day because I was not ready to go back. I cried several times yesterday because I thought that I would need to go in. Although work had a delayed opening, the roads were still icy at noon and I wasn't going to risk it after 3 months of being off.
These three months with my son have been wonderful, I never thought I could love something or someone as much, and as purely as I love my son. Of course I love my husband with all my heart, but there's something different about the love I have for my son. I've undergone a tremendous and monumental change now. I see the world through completely different eyes now. As John says, it's as though we've been traded to a different team - the parent team.
I got to have David's first Christmas and New Years with him. He was Christened in our church and in the Unity faith. We've done two theatre shows together. We've had hard nights together, and we've had wonderful nights and days together. He's rolled over for us, smiled at me with his heart melting smiles, cuddled with me as we slept together, and he has dealt with my endless kisses and hugs. For these reasons it will bother me more than him when I return to work on Monday.
For these reasons I know that I need to do everything I can to make myself and my life better. That means finding a job that I love, losing the weight I need to lose to be healthy, and supporting John to get a better job that supports all of us so that I can stay home with my children if I want to. It's hard for me to tolerate the thought of returning to work now, and if/when I have another child I know I definitely won't want to return and leave my son and other child at home.
Now begins the real work that I've put off for years, but I now have the motivation of my son to get me going, and keep me going until I reach my goal.
