Irreverant

I would like to start this with a disclaimer. If you are easily grossed out or have an aversion to bodily functions please do not read this posting. It's embarrasing enough for me to write about this, I don't want to have to apologize for writing about it at church. So if you continue to read, please note that you have been warned.

So every person on this planet has gas. We've all let one go in the Walmart (crop dusting as my girlfriends call it). I like to call those the Wal-farts, cause I usually only get them in Walmart; or maybe you've let one rip at a party somewhere when you were laughing too hard. Typically you remain silent and sheepishly hope no one smells it, or heard it.

When I moved in with John I had to get used to idea that now there would be someone else in the house to hear my farts, and I should just get over my modesty issues (Course we're WAY past that at this point). It took me a little while but eventually I did get over it. When we found out I was pregnant I started noticing that I was more gassy then usual. I was burping in public, mortifying myself in front of my colleagues at work, hiccups, and more farting than usual of course. However, even with the increased gas, nothing could have prepared me for what happened the other night.

I was sitting in bed watching a movie (I seem to live in bed these days because it's more comfortable than the couch) and I had to toot. John was in the room because we were talking about what to have for dinner. When I let it rip, it didn't take long for me to smell what had come out of my body. The horrid, putrified, stench of what had just come out of my body. Now it's not like I normally like the smell of my farts or anything, but I can at least stand the smell until it dissapates.

This one almost had me gagging and turning green. Not to mention it just lingered there, suspended in the air like LA Smog. It stank so bad I had to cover my nose as I exclaimed to John "Jesus Christ, that smells!" It did finally subside and I went back to watching TV and John went into the kitchen. Not 5 minutes later though I let another one rip, this one even worse! I felt myself becoming ill and had to get out of bed in order to get some fresh air.

I couldn't go back into the bedroom for like 10 minutes after that. During that time John and I discussed that the baby is making my farts stinkier. Hence why we've named this gastric anolomoly the "baby farts". So if you pass my way and I smell like something that just died an unpleasant death or you see Peppy Le Peu following after me just know it's the "baby farts"